Our annual eldercare advice for the holidays

This seems to be a big favourite year over year:

Suggestions of how to bet support aging parents and loved ones through family events.

Please take a look, and share with your friends, too.

Here it is:  http://www.parentingyourparents.ca/plan-good-holida…derly-loved-ones/ ‎

Have a wonderful holiday season and we'll be back posting more in January.

‘Con­sci­en­tious daugh­ter’ is best long-term care plan

This was originally from the New York Times News Service  by Roni Caryn Rabin, and appeared in Canada on May 26th, 2017. I'd filed it, and forgot about it, but having just found it agian, feel it's important to share. So please take a look a this and reflect…

 

‘Con­sci­en­tious daugh­ter’ is best long-term care plan!


This week, the med­i­cal jour­nal JAMA Neu­rol­ogy high­lighted a loom­ing cri­sis for women and their em­ploy­ers: The grow­ing ranks of de­men­tia pa­tients who will end up re­ly­ing on fam­ily mem­bers, typ­i­cally daugh­ters, for their care.


“The best long-term care in­sur­ance in our coun­try is a con­sci­en­tious daugh­ter,” wrote the au­thors, all of whom are fel­lows at Stan­ford Univer­sity’s Clin­i­cal Ex­cel­lence Re­search Cen­ter, which stud­ies new meth­ods of health-care de­liv­ery.


The au­thors note that by 2030, one in five Amer­i­cans will be 65 or older, and the num­ber of older Amer­i­cans liv­ing with de­men­tia is ex­pected to in­crease to 8.5 mil­lion, up from 5.5 mil­lion now.


Most de­men­tia pa­tients even­tu­ally re­quire round-the-clock care, yet there is no clear na­tional road map or over­ar­ch­ing plan for pro­vid­ing it. Most of the care for older adults in the United States – from pay­ing bills to feed­ing, bathing and dress­ing – falls on un­paid care­givers and most of them are women.


Although men do pro­vide some care­giv­ing for older fam­ily mem­bers with de­men­tia, the bur­den is not shared equally, ex­perts say.


“Women are at the epi­cen­tre of care­giv­ing as a whole, and Alzheimer’s care­giv­ing in par­tic­u­lar,” said Ruth Drew, di­rec­tor of fam­ily and in­for­ma­tion ser­vices at the Alzheimer’s As­so­ci­a­tion. “Even though two-thirds of peo­ple with Alzheimer’s are women them­selves, two-thirds of the care­givers are also women. So there are more wives car­ing for their hus­bands than the re­verse, more daugh­ters car­ing for par­ents than sons.”


“We see a lot of daugh­ters car­ing not only for their par­ents, but their in-laws,” she added.
Most ex­perts don’t an­tic­i­pate that chang­ing sig­nif­i­cantly. That’s be­cause, de­spite progress, women con­tinue to do a dis­pro­por­tion­ate amount of child care.


Although men have be­come more in­volved and taken on more re­spon­si­bil­i­ties at home, “it hasn’t been a sig­nif­i­cant con­tri­bu­tion and cer­tainly hasn’t kept pace with women’s in­creased
par­tic­i­pa­tion in the work force,” said Dr. Clif­ford Sheck­ter, a fel­low at the Clin­i­cal Ex­cel­lence Re­search Cen­ter, surgery res­i­dent and a co-au­thor of the es­say.


When it comes to car­ing for peo­ple with de­men­tia, “the num­bers are skewed strongly to­ward women, and it’s hard to imag­ine that by 2030 the num­bers will even out to 50-50,” said Ni­cholas Bott, a neu­ropsy­chol­o­gist and an­other co-au­thor who is also a fel­low at the Clin­i­cal Ex­cel­lence Re­search Cen­ter. “It shouldn’t be an un­spo­ken rule that this falls on cer­tain mem­bers of the fam­ily, but as of now, it still is fall­ing pri­mar­ily on the daugh­ters and fe­male spouses more than on men.”

Where’s your head at when it comes to parent care?

Where’s your head at when it comes to parent care?


So I’m watching a younger friend in what from my vantage point looks like a life and death struggle of values and wills about how to deal with his failing parents.


His father’s now 89; his mother’s 86, and they’re both on the steep and slippery slide toward needing major attention and care. His father is clearly suffering from some form of dementia, seemingly deteriorating by the day. His slip of a mother is frail and just a week ago broke her elbow in a fall and tests show osteoporosis is going to be a major health issue.


My friend is very focused on his career and social status. He really does have what’s often called a ‘trophy wife’. And two still young kids who are keeners and work hard at school and all the other activities they’re pressed to take.


The more evident his parents’ ills, the more he dives into his work and presses ‘the wife’ into service—to deal with his parents, support them, take them where they have to be taken, and even cook for them.


I know for a fact that he really loves his parents, and feels his achievements are due to their full court press on focusing his life, education, and career. Yet right now, he’s avoiding them and working harder than ever.


I have no idea what’s happening in his head at the moment. I only see conflict: the deeply rooted love vs. the distance he’s keeping.


Something’s out of whack. I think his drive for career success is a bit of a refuge because maybe he doesn’t know how express his affections and caring for his parents.

Do you take a regular reality check of where you stand in your support of aging parents?

 

Elderly financial abuse

ELderly financil abuse keeps getting a bigger issue.

As an elder, or more often as the child of an enderly parent or relative, please take a vary careful look at anything that's offered, foisted, pressed on you… 

We're seeing more and more scames being launched onto the elderly.

Please take a careful double look… examine, consider, and don't buy in right away!

See this site for more…

http://www.ctvnews.ca/5things/how-to-thwart-growing-threat-of-elderly-financial-abuse-1.3460984

A last wish: to die at home

Have you heard this from an aging parent? "It's a last wish: to die at home".

I've heard that from hundreds of families.

And it's not an unrealistic wish.

There is a certain comfort and dignity to being able to die in one's own bed, in one's own home. Clearly this is not an option for a parent whose been institutionalized in a hospital or nursing home. Howevever, it seems that dying at home with the appropriate care for someone who is sliding toward the end can be accommodated. 

Hospic-like arrangements can be provided in the home, and ideally as much of the broader family would be engaged in the process.

This also can allow time to share memories, and if possible photos.

It's worth exporing if the circumstances are right.

Family in need is family indeed: the sandwich generation

The sandwich generation has a challenge. Why?

Because many of us have it coming and going.


‘Coming’ is our now adult kids who rediscover home as a good, safe, and, to tell the whole truth, financially very convenient place to be for a while. It might be for lack of a job or a failed marriage or simply rents getting too high. But consider that ‘for a while’ can become pretty open ended.


‘Going’ is our now ever more elderly and frail parents, who brave on and still want to command our lives, but who, in fact, are in every more need of help and support. The occasional dollop of help has become the daily routine.


And we’re stuck in the middle, striving to balance both being good parents and good children and often rationalizing that we can handle push and shove at the same time without imploding or exploding. We’re the shoulder generation, carrying a lot on those shoulders.
Are you into this scene? Is coming and going becoming a real part of your real life? If it is, what are you doing about it? Why? And how? Because in your own self interest, you should.

 

Don’t let spring cleaning become spring falling for the elderly

It just happened to my wife, an avid early morning walker. She does everything ‘right’ in terms of the ‘right’ shoes, coat, scarf, hat—you name it –she does it. The only thing she does not do is make sure the weather is perfect and receptive to activities of middle, later age, and elderly individuals. 

Continue reading “Don’t let spring cleaning become spring falling for the elderly”

Living close to high-traffic roads raises dementia risk: study

People who live in close proximity to high-traffic roadways appear to have a higher risk of dementia than those who live farther away, say researchers, suggesting that air pollution from vehicles may be a factor in the development of the neurological disease. Read more here:

http://ctv.news/2vCUSzD

Our annual eldercare advice for the holidays

This seems to be a big favourite year over year:

Suggestions of how to bet support aging parents and loved ones through family events.

Please take a look, and share with your friends, too.

Here it is:  http://www.parentingyourparents.ca/plan-good-holida…derly-loved-ones/ ‎