Our annual eldercare advice for the holidays

This seems to be a big favourite year over year:

Suggestions of how to bet support aging parents and loved ones through family events.

Please take a look, and share with your friends, too.

Here it is:  http://www.parentingyourparents.ca/plan-good-holida…derly-loved-ones/ ‎

Have a wonderful holiday season and we'll be back posting more in January.

‘Con­sci­en­tious daugh­ter’ is best long-term care plan

This was originally from the New York Times News Service  by Roni Caryn Rabin, and appeared in Canada on May 26th, 2017. I'd filed it, and forgot about it, but having just found it agian, feel it's important to share. So please take a look a this and reflect…

 

‘Con­sci­en­tious daugh­ter’ is best long-term care plan!


This week, the med­i­cal jour­nal JAMA Neu­rol­ogy high­lighted a loom­ing cri­sis for women and their em­ploy­ers: The grow­ing ranks of de­men­tia pa­tients who will end up re­ly­ing on fam­ily mem­bers, typ­i­cally daugh­ters, for their care.


“The best long-term care in­sur­ance in our coun­try is a con­sci­en­tious daugh­ter,” wrote the au­thors, all of whom are fel­lows at Stan­ford Univer­sity’s Clin­i­cal Ex­cel­lence Re­search Cen­ter, which stud­ies new meth­ods of health-care de­liv­ery.


The au­thors note that by 2030, one in five Amer­i­cans will be 65 or older, and the num­ber of older Amer­i­cans liv­ing with de­men­tia is ex­pected to in­crease to 8.5 mil­lion, up from 5.5 mil­lion now.


Most de­men­tia pa­tients even­tu­ally re­quire round-the-clock care, yet there is no clear na­tional road map or over­ar­ch­ing plan for pro­vid­ing it. Most of the care for older adults in the United States – from pay­ing bills to feed­ing, bathing and dress­ing – falls on un­paid care­givers and most of them are women.


Although men do pro­vide some care­giv­ing for older fam­ily mem­bers with de­men­tia, the bur­den is not shared equally, ex­perts say.


“Women are at the epi­cen­tre of care­giv­ing as a whole, and Alzheimer’s care­giv­ing in par­tic­u­lar,” said Ruth Drew, di­rec­tor of fam­ily and in­for­ma­tion ser­vices at the Alzheimer’s As­so­ci­a­tion. “Even though two-thirds of peo­ple with Alzheimer’s are women them­selves, two-thirds of the care­givers are also women. So there are more wives car­ing for their hus­bands than the re­verse, more daugh­ters car­ing for par­ents than sons.”


“We see a lot of daugh­ters car­ing not only for their par­ents, but their in-laws,” she added.
Most ex­perts don’t an­tic­i­pate that chang­ing sig­nif­i­cantly. That’s be­cause, de­spite progress, women con­tinue to do a dis­pro­por­tion­ate amount of child care.


Although men have be­come more in­volved and taken on more re­spon­si­bil­i­ties at home, “it hasn’t been a sig­nif­i­cant con­tri­bu­tion and cer­tainly hasn’t kept pace with women’s in­creased
par­tic­i­pa­tion in the work force,” said Dr. Clif­ford Sheck­ter, a fel­low at the Clin­i­cal Ex­cel­lence Re­search Cen­ter, surgery res­i­dent and a co-au­thor of the es­say.


When it comes to car­ing for peo­ple with de­men­tia, “the num­bers are skewed strongly to­ward women, and it’s hard to imag­ine that by 2030 the num­bers will even out to 50-50,” said Ni­cholas Bott, a neu­ropsy­chol­o­gist and an­other co-au­thor who is also a fel­low at the Clin­i­cal Ex­cel­lence Re­search Cen­ter. “It shouldn’t be an un­spo­ken rule that this falls on cer­tain mem­bers of the fam­ily, but as of now, it still is fall­ing pri­mar­ily on the daugh­ters and fe­male spouses more than on men.”

So how old might your parents get to be?

Just found this interesting piece online, I think on CTV. It appeared in Septemer, but what's a few months when you're talking a century-plus?

So how old might your parents get to be?

Dutch researchers claim to have discovered the maximum age "ceiling" for human lifespan, despite growing life expectancy because of better nutrition, living conditions and medical care.
Mining data from some 75,000 Dutch people whose exact ages were recorded at the time of death, statisticians at Tilburg and Rotterdam's Erasmus universities pinned the maximum ceiling for female lifespan at 115.7 years.


Men came in slightly lower at 114.1 years in the samples taken from the data which spans the last 30 years, said Prof. John Einmahl, one of three scientists conducting the study.
"On average, people live longer, but the very oldest among us have not gotten older over the last 30 years," Einmahl told AFP.


"There is certainly some kind of a wall here. Of course the average life expectancy has increased," he said, pointing out the number of people turning 95 in The Netherlands had almost tripled.


"Nevertheless, the maximum ceiling itself hasn't changed," he said.


Lifespan is the term used to describe how long an individual lives, while life expectancy is the average duration of life that individuals in an age group can expect to have — a measure of societal wellbeing.


The Dutch findings come in the wake of those by US-based researchers who last year claimed a similar age ceiling, but who added that exceptionally long-lived individuals were not getting as old as before.


Einmahl and his researchers disputed the latter finding, saying their conclusions deduced by using a statistical brand called "Extreme Value Theory", showed almost no fluctuation in maximum lifespan.


Einmahl said however there were still some people who had bent the norm, like Frenchwomen Jeanne Calment who died at the ripe old age of 122 years and 164 days. Calment remains the oldest verified woman to date.


Extreme Value Theory is a brand of statistics that measures data and answers questions at extreme ends of events such as lifespan or disasters.


Einmahl said his group's findings will be submitted for publication in a peer review magazine "within the next month or so."

Where’s your head at when it comes to parent care?

Where’s your head at when it comes to parent care?


So I’m watching a younger friend in what from my vantage point looks like a life and death struggle of values and wills about how to deal with his failing parents.


His father’s now 89; his mother’s 86, and they’re both on the steep and slippery slide toward needing major attention and care. His father is clearly suffering from some form of dementia, seemingly deteriorating by the day. His slip of a mother is frail and just a week ago broke her elbow in a fall and tests show osteoporosis is going to be a major health issue.


My friend is very focused on his career and social status. He really does have what’s often called a ‘trophy wife’. And two still young kids who are keeners and work hard at school and all the other activities they’re pressed to take.


The more evident his parents’ ills, the more he dives into his work and presses ‘the wife’ into service—to deal with his parents, support them, take them where they have to be taken, and even cook for them.


I know for a fact that he really loves his parents, and feels his achievements are due to their full court press on focusing his life, education, and career. Yet right now, he’s avoiding them and working harder than ever.


I have no idea what’s happening in his head at the moment. I only see conflict: the deeply rooted love vs. the distance he’s keeping.


Something’s out of whack. I think his drive for career success is a bit of a refuge because maybe he doesn’t know how express his affections and caring for his parents.

Do you take a regular reality check of where you stand in your support of aging parents?

 

Minimize emotional pain among the elderly and aging

 

One always hopes that as medical practitioners, we will be able to focus our attention on the medical issues faced by seniors and help families cope with the fears, disappointments and tragedies that are faced by loved ones in the midst of what are often life-altering illnesses. In short, as physicians, we want to minimize emotional pain among the elderly and aging.

Throughout our initial medical training, and most often during post-graduate training programs, the primary focus in general is: what is the “best of medicine” and what does “evidence-based medicine” tell us about treatment decisions and their ultimate impact on health, well-being and, often, the likelihood of death? 

This is particularly the case in the care of the older adult – whether in geriatric medicine or eldercare.

What is often surprising and baffling, especially to younger physicians, is the situation where the core of what appears to be the challenge in care provision is negatively tinged by what might be called family “strife.” 

At times, however, a more appropriate term would be venomous, hateful actions—actions that ultimately will be destructive to the family fabric. This should not be 
surprising to anyone who has even a modest understanding and familiarity with the world of literature—whether limited to English works, or more broadly including European or other literature.

Those medical trainees who have worked with me have in all likelihood heard me either seriously or humorously say, “If I were king, all first degrees would be in English literature.” Or when there is a complex family dynamic playing out, I might say, “It’s King Lear—if you have not read it ever or lately, read it or read it again—it’s all there.”

Sometimes I feel like that great American comic Jimmy Durante, who was quoted as saying, “I have a million of them, a million of them,” referring to his often delectable jokes. According to an online biographical history, it has been said that “I’ve got a million of ’em” is what Durante (1893-1980) often said after telling a corny joke. Durante was credited with “I’ve got a million of ’em” in a 1929 newspaper story.

I say this when referring to complex family situations in which what appears to be the worst in human interactions seems to be playing out. Often the issue is related to money (or property), and if one is in a position to hear the story from all the parties, it often becomes clear that, for whatever reason, the pot has come to a boil at this juncture of life.

This is usually because the flame heating the water that’s not boiling has been on for what appears to have been many years. Most of us know of such stories, hopefully not in our own families, but it is unlikely that there is a family who is not familiar with a “Lear-like” scenario in someone close to them. 

Greed, jealousy, hurtful memories, mean-spirited personalities, events that occurred—sometimes decades earlier— that were never resolved or that left indelible scars are often the reasons cited for the enmity I have had the good fortune to observe that, on some occasions, especially when a parent, in particular, is dying, though it could be another relative, there is the possibility of repairing long held animosities and bringing long-estranged family members back together. 

It does not always succeed, but I have witnessed the monumental efforts of health-care staff—especially those in social work, nursing and medicine, although any and all of the health-care staff can be key—in bridging the emotional moat that often separates family members. It may not always work, but I believe it is always worth the effort.

Living with the result of lifelong family strife is often disabling, and the scars that occur and that are left can have long-lasting negative effects on people’s lives and their own abilities to have meaningful and binding relationships with their siblings and offspring.

Elderly financial abuse

ELderly financil abuse keeps getting a bigger issue.

As an elder, or more often as the child of an enderly parent or relative, please take a vary careful look at anything that's offered, foisted, pressed on you… 

We're seeing more and more scames being launched onto the elderly.

Please take a careful double look… examine, consider, and don't buy in right away!

See this site for more…

http://www.ctvnews.ca/5things/how-to-thwart-growing-threat-of-elderly-financial-abuse-1.3460984

Care costs for aging parents higher

 

A recent CIBC study reported by CTV news reveals that the care costs for aging parents are ever higher and higher.

It notes that there are the direct costs of caring for aging parents, and then the indirect costs, like lost worktime.

Read the story here: www.ctvnews.ca/business/caring-for-aging-parents-costs-canadians-33b-a-year-survey-1.3402778

A last wish: to die at home

Have you heard this from an aging parent? "It's a last wish: to die at home".

I've heard that from hundreds of families.

And it's not an unrealistic wish.

There is a certain comfort and dignity to being able to die in one's own bed, in one's own home. Clearly this is not an option for a parent whose been institutionalized in a hospital or nursing home. Howevever, it seems that dying at home with the appropriate care for someone who is sliding toward the end can be accommodated. 

Hospic-like arrangements can be provided in the home, and ideally as much of the broader family would be engaged in the process.

This also can allow time to share memories, and if possible photos.

It's worth exporing if the circumstances are right.

Family in need is family indeed: the sandwich generation

The sandwich generation has a challenge. Why?

Because many of us have it coming and going.


‘Coming’ is our now adult kids who rediscover home as a good, safe, and, to tell the whole truth, financially very convenient place to be for a while. It might be for lack of a job or a failed marriage or simply rents getting too high. But consider that ‘for a while’ can become pretty open ended.


‘Going’ is our now ever more elderly and frail parents, who brave on and still want to command our lives, but who, in fact, are in every more need of help and support. The occasional dollop of help has become the daily routine.


And we’re stuck in the middle, striving to balance both being good parents and good children and often rationalizing that we can handle push and shove at the same time without imploding or exploding. We’re the shoulder generation, carrying a lot on those shoulders.
Are you into this scene? Is coming and going becoming a real part of your real life? If it is, what are you doing about it? Why? And how? Because in your own self interest, you should.

 

A housing crisis for seniors

According to this informative article that appeared in the New York times, we are into a housing crisis for seniors. This should not be a suprise to any of us who have or will confront the challenge of finding quality, affordable housing for our elderly parents when they need it.

Read it here:  https://nyti.ms/2jBSNHu